Local residents share the pressures they feel when parenting their children
Pressures of Parenting
MARYLAND – Parenting is tough, and many parents can experience a “Burnout” due to the overwhelming pressures. This is a syndrome characterized by “emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a decrease in self-fulfillment,” according to the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health.
Feelings and emotions that most men can’t express according to Eugene Schneeberg, father of 4, and says most of the time men are socialized to internalize, and they feel this pressure to have it all together. “We’re all humans, we all get sad, we all get afraid, and it’s important to have outlets to be able to share those feelings… I think certainly the pressure to provide financially for my family is one that I think a lot of parents and fathers in particular feel, and to balance that pressure with spending quality time with them.”
He says that his toughest moment as a parent was his son becoming a teenager, and it took until recently for them to see eye to eye again. “One of the toughest times is when my oldest son was transitioning from like a child to an adolescent- that like pre-teen adolescent transition was very difficult for me… He went from listening to what I said, to now developing his own independence, and wanting to do what he wanted to do. and it was hard for me to anticipate that, and respond, and we bumped heads for long periods of time.”
Matricia Battle is a mother and a grandmother and as a single mother of 3 put pressure on herself to be perfect. She tells us how difficult is was to get time alone, so she did other things to get a bit of a break. “I was alone in everything, I had to do everything, Everything had to be perfect, everything had to be just right… My outlet was Chuck-E-Cheese. I would get the kids, I would take them to Chuck-E-cheese, and I would sit back… I could sit and read, I could sit and think.”
Dr. Sally Dowling of Atlantic General says that trying to balance everything can also put a lot of stress on someone. She says that children pick up on our energy, so parents must take care of themselves. “A lot of parents are working parents and trying to balance caring for your children, recognizing when there are issues with them. balancing you work life, balancing your relationship, balancing caring for yourself… A lot people feel undo pressure on themselves to be perfect in every aspect of their life, and I think, particular as women, we tend to feel that “superwoman pressure” where we’ve got to be good at everything…. Children are very intuitive, and a lot of things as parents that we think we are keeping hidden from them, they are picking up on… It’s very important for parents to realize their limitations, and to be able to split their time and priorities, among everything they’re trying to take care of in their lives.”
Dr. Downing says that a work-life balance can be difficult, and planning your time wisely- can help relieve some of that added stress. Other suggestions to help relieve the stresses of parenting include taking parenting classes, investing in a journal and taking the time to see a therapist to address your mental health.
For those fathers who are still hesitant, Fathers Forward offers a weekly group for dads every Thursday via zoom. President Eugene says that it helped it out tremendously. “I started Fathers Forward in 2018, it really comes from my own personal story, I never met my father, so I know firsthand how challenging it can be, to be a young person… We started Fathers forward to really empower and equip fathers, to be the very best father they can be, there’s no perfect fathers, we know that…. A word of advice I would give is hold on don’t give up especially if you’re dealing with teenagers, that’s some of the most difficult times as a parent, it gets better.”
