The verbal to the physical: how domestic violence escalates

“He put the gun to my temple and said if you tell people I’ve been abusing you I will get rid of you,” says Victim Two.

It’s a form of abuse targeting all walks of life, and its various extremes have no limits.

“The hardest part was having my children watch while he hit me,” says Victim Three.

Three women currently in People’s Place shelters in Delaware, who wish to remain anonymous, are victims of verbal turned physical abuse. For the purposes of this story, we will refer to them as victims two three, and four. They have three very different stories with striking similarities, all which seemed to come after a rushed marriage.

“There was never a cross word until 3 days after the ring,” says Victim Four. “Three months later came the first shove, and three months later came the first knock down.”

“As the verbal started to become so normal it got physical,” says Victim Two.

It all came at the same time their abusers desire for control set in.

“Everything had to be clean and in order when he came home from work or else there would be issues,” says Victim Three.

“He started to isolate me from family and friends saying they weren’t good for me,” says Victim Two.

However, there is more than one reason why it is not so simple to leave. It may be a job or children, but what it comes down to is the “trap” the abuser sets.

“There’s the attack and then there’s the honeymoon phase, where I’ll never do it again, there’s probably flowers, there’s probably dinner out, so forth and so on,” says Victim Four. “When you’re in the middle of it, it’s survival, it’s just survival.”

“The more I forgave him I got gift, and when I got gift, it was jewelry, diamonds and everything,” says Victim Two.

All three of them eventually hit a breaking point. Until that point, some of them experienced years of abuse. For victims three and four, it was the climax of abuse.

“The last straw was when he kicked me and my children out of the house,” says Victim Three.

“I had bruises around my chest that looked like a necklace, I had a bruise the size of a softball on my arm which still hasn’t healed,” says Victim Four.

Victim Two went to visit a dentist behind her husband’s back after he knocked her tooth out during a fight. She tried to tell her dentist she simply tripped and fell, but she happened to be a domestic violence survivor, and immediately came to her aid.

“We made the call together and the advocate I talked to, she made me feel so safe,” she says. “I said ‘Oh my God, I’m not alone.'”

All three women, after years of abuse, made their way to People’s Place shelters this year. It was a chance at safety that many of them risked their lives to get to.

“He already carved my name on a bullet and said if I leave him he will kill me,” says Victim Two. “He will never stop trying to find me I believe that.”

47 ABC took a tour through two of the People’s Place shelters, where the three victims are currently staying. Their safety and protection are a number one priority, and for that reason, the locations of these shelters are a highly guarded secret. In part three of the “Cycle of Abuse” series, 47 ABC will take you inside the shelters to explain the important services they provide to victims.

If you are a victim of domestic violence in Delaware, you can call People’s Place at 302-422-8058.