What to do if your teen faces dating violence - WMDT 47 News - Delmarva's Choice

By Diane Griffith
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A few months after Emily met Zach in her senior year of high school, his normally easy-going personality began to change. He became possessive and was often angry. In time, he hit Emily during an argument. Emily forgave him when he promised it would never happen again. But it did happen - again and again and again. Each time, Emily would decide he deserved "one more chance."

Types of dating violence
Like Emily, many victims of dating violence get stuck in a pattern of abuse. There are generally three types of dating violence. The teen may be exposed to more than one type.

• Physical. This can be a pinch or a slap, a kick or a punch, or an all-out beating.
• Emotional. This includes threatening, name-calling, bullying, belittling and generally damaging a person's self-esteem. There may also be control issues, like not allowing the partner to spend time with friends and relatives.
• Sexual. Forcing a partner to engage in a sexual act without that person's consent.

The prevalence of dating violence

• In a survey of teens and college students who had been sexually assaulted, 67 percent of those assaults occurred during a date.
• Each year, one in four teens reports being verbally, physically, emotionally or sexually abused by a dating partner.
• One in 10 teens reports being physically abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year.

Why some teens are abusive
Some teen boys have seen physical abuse in their own homes, and think it's appropriate behavior. Many of these young men are depressed, have problems with anger and aggression, and have low self-esteem. Others follow the lead of their peers. They may believe that:

• Men have a right to control women.
• Being "masculine" means being physically aggressive.
• Their partners are their possessions.
• Their friends will lose respect for them if they treat their girlfriends with decency.
• They have the right to demand sex from their girlfriends.

Why a teen may put up with abuse
Although their heads may be telling them to leave an abusive relationship, many teen girls listen to their hearts instead, which tell them they are in love and can't live without their abusive partner. They may believe that:

• The abuse is their fault because they provoked it.
• When their partners are jealous or possessive, it is proof of their love.
• Because they have friends who are also abused, it must be normal.
• Their partner will change.
• There's no way to escape the relationship.

Physical and emotional effects
When someone becomes involved in a violent relationship, the pattern is often set for a lifetime.
Some of the consequences of being a victim of abuse as a teen include an increased risk for:

• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Eating disorders and depression
• Suicide
• Pregnancy
• Complicated pregnancies, including miscarriage, premature delivery and low birth weight
• An increase in physical and mental illnesses
• Bad grades or dropping out of school

What to do
In the 14-to-17 age group, 40 percent of teenage girls say that they know a teen who has been physically abused by her boyfriend. If your child is being abused, do all you can to end the violence. Encourage the teen to:

• Leave the relationship at once.
• File a complaint against the abuser with the police and get a restraining order if necessary.
• Seek psychological counseling to help escape the cycle of violence.

SOURCES:

• Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Dating violence. Accessed: 12/15/2009

• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Understanding teen dating violence: fact sheet. Accessed: 12/15/2009

• Thomas-Taylor D. Domestic violence. In: Garfunkel LC, Kaczorowski JM, Christy C. Garfunkel: Pediatric Clinical Advisor, 2nd ed. Philadelphia, PA: Mosby Elsevier; 2007.

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